Quick Trixie! Draw a bath for me and lay out something chic. I'm going dancing here! Glamour! How can I stand it?
I've just stained my tighty whities laughing at this (s'ok though, they'll do for a few days more).
Tuesday, December 31
A happy McDonalds new year to you all.
The opponents of McDonalds (who were out in force and cheering earlier this year after the 'evil giant' made horrendous losses) are much more dangerous than their enemy. McDonalds sell burgers, fries and milkshakes. What do these opponents sell?
To start with they sell the idea that we are all witless victims. If you eat too many meals at McDonalds you become fat. In fact, if you eat too many meals, you become fat. McDonalds is now being dragged through the courts by some obese children whose lawyers claim it is responsible for their condition. As if McDonalds force feed people burgers. They complain that the meals are fattening! Er, yes. Since the failure of the McBroccoli happy meal, you shouldn't consume McDonalds at every meal if you want a fully balanced diet. We, the consumers, are in charge.
McDonalds have no power over us. If it doesn't please us, they will go.
McDonalds opponents sell a pernicious form of anti-Americanism. But McDonalds didn't drive out ye olde British food. They simply challenged horrible second rate restaurants and dirty caffs which were closed half the time. If McDonalds were British everyone would love them.
Indeed, if they originated almost anywhere else they would be lauded. I don't spot these people racing around the UK in balaclava hats chanting "down with Swedish welfare state imperialism" and smashing the windows of Ikea with a brown corduroy armchair.
They hate McDonalds because it is American. I, on the other hand, think this is the reason why so many like it, along with American people, their fantastic contribution to pop culture and the fact that they spent their money and sent their children to die to prevent this country being ruled by foreign dictators.
Of course McDonalds could improve it's environmental and animal welfare record. But who couldn't? Do you know how many homes would be without televisions, telephones, computers etc if we cared enough about China's environmental and human rights violations? Tens of millions.
The worst thing is though is how these opponents have sold the idea that a banal act such as eating a burger is political. They talk of consumerism, but there is no such thing. There is just consumption. I am not eating my burger for anybody, or against anybody or at anybody. Most of the time I don't even eat it with anybody. I just eat it, thats all. It's not a symbol of anything.
Daniel Finkelstein (the Tory who said he would kick seven colours of shit out of Jeffrey Archer if he ever saw him again). Lets hope they meet soon.
The opponents of McDonalds (who were out in force and cheering earlier this year after the 'evil giant' made horrendous losses) are much more dangerous than their enemy. McDonalds sell burgers, fries and milkshakes. What do these opponents sell?
To start with they sell the idea that we are all witless victims. If you eat too many meals at McDonalds you become fat. In fact, if you eat too many meals, you become fat. McDonalds is now being dragged through the courts by some obese children whose lawyers claim it is responsible for their condition. As if McDonalds force feed people burgers. They complain that the meals are fattening! Er, yes. Since the failure of the McBroccoli happy meal, you shouldn't consume McDonalds at every meal if you want a fully balanced diet. We, the consumers, are in charge.
McDonalds have no power over us. If it doesn't please us, they will go.
McDonalds opponents sell a pernicious form of anti-Americanism. But McDonalds didn't drive out ye olde British food. They simply challenged horrible second rate restaurants and dirty caffs which were closed half the time. If McDonalds were British everyone would love them.
Indeed, if they originated almost anywhere else they would be lauded. I don't spot these people racing around the UK in balaclava hats chanting "down with Swedish welfare state imperialism" and smashing the windows of Ikea with a brown corduroy armchair.
They hate McDonalds because it is American. I, on the other hand, think this is the reason why so many like it, along with American people, their fantastic contribution to pop culture and the fact that they spent their money and sent their children to die to prevent this country being ruled by foreign dictators.
Of course McDonalds could improve it's environmental and animal welfare record. But who couldn't? Do you know how many homes would be without televisions, telephones, computers etc if we cared enough about China's environmental and human rights violations? Tens of millions.
The worst thing is though is how these opponents have sold the idea that a banal act such as eating a burger is political. They talk of consumerism, but there is no such thing. There is just consumption. I am not eating my burger for anybody, or against anybody or at anybody. Most of the time I don't even eat it with anybody. I just eat it, thats all. It's not a symbol of anything.
Daniel Finkelstein (the Tory who said he would kick seven colours of shit out of Jeffrey Archer if he ever saw him again). Lets hope they meet soon.
Monday, December 30
Brilliant site featuring crazy and disturbing album covers. Hilarious.
And, in the spirit of new years resolutions, look at these.....
And, in the spirit of new years resolutions, look at these.....
Sunday, December 29
Carry On Camping is on TV in five minutes. I might wet myself laughing. Tom went to NYC with the son of Bernard Bresslaw to see Mike Tyson fight. Fact.
Saturday, December 28
Where....
is everyone? Cruising round blogland tonight and all I found was tumbleweed. Hello? Anyone there? Is everyone pretending to have a life? Pretending to be somewhere else doing something interesting? I know you don't have lives so you can stop this charade. I mean, why have a blog if you have a life? Duh!
I'll be glad when everyone gets back to work so they can start writing again on the companies time. Not that I'm lonely or anything.
*Dave turns to his teddy and feeds him a spoonful of breakfast cereal while balancing the telephone between shoulder and ear and listening to the speaking clock*
is everyone? Cruising round blogland tonight and all I found was tumbleweed. Hello? Anyone there? Is everyone pretending to have a life? Pretending to be somewhere else doing something interesting? I know you don't have lives so you can stop this charade. I mean, why have a blog if you have a life? Duh!
I'll be glad when everyone gets back to work so they can start writing again on the companies time. Not that I'm lonely or anything.
*Dave turns to his teddy and feeds him a spoonful of breakfast cereal while balancing the telephone between shoulder and ear and listening to the speaking clock*
Friday, December 27
Bjork. Family Tree cd.
Penetration. Don't Dictate cd.
Josef K. Young and Stupid cd.
Ramones. Anthology cd.
Ladytron. Light and Magic.
DVD movies for winter nights: Rushmore, A Ma Soeur, Time Out, Harold and Maude.
Books about these.
Zoo Tycoon with expansion packs.
Good friends, good food and bad television at his house.
He couldn't make it as he had a hot date skiing in St Moritz on Christmas day. We did have a cable-car conversation though.
Monday, December 23
"The face of Strummer has fell from the wall and nothing is left where it hung". Aztec Camera, 1981.
Give Barry a scratch behind the ears from me Joe.
Like thousands of teenagers growing up in the 70s, punk and The Clash changed my life in a fundamental way. Their mixture of politics and music shaped my beliefs and tastes and made me the person I am today. Christmas is ruined.
Moby
What a shock - old punks never die they just stand at the back.
Nicky Wire, Manic Street Preachers
Numb, gutted & shocked - 3 words that sum up how I feel. Passionate, principled, genius - 3 words that sum up Joe Strummer.
Martin Scorcese
The Clash were a major influence on my own music, they were the best rock n roll band. Thanks Joe!!
Bruce Springsteen
Joe Strummer was a man who wasn't afraid to voice his beliefs. A passionate, vocal, sincere olde punk. The Clash produced a contrast to the nihilism of the Sex Pistols, and educated an audience about the realities of the state. Music has lost one of its true rebels.
Ken Livingston, London Mayor
The most profound voice of any musician I have ever heard, Joe took his message to the world and the world listened. He managed to influence more than one generation with his innovative and determined manner and I am not alone in repeatedly turning to his thoughts and lyrics when searching for inspiration.
Bono
Shocking news - The Clash had a massive influence on me in my teenage years and even now, 25 years later, hardly a week goes by without one of their albums featuring on my CD player. In the week that yet another dreadful, manufactured 'band' hits the charts Joe is a reminder of what music really should be like. One of the greatest songwriters and musicians of our time, he will be greatly missed.
Neil Tennant
God Bless him. He brought me many good times, happy moments and adrenalin rushes. London Calling will be the lasting testament to his muse and through that he and the rest of the band shall achieve immortality. One of the finest albums of the Twentieth Century and one of the most influential musicians of his generation.
John Peel
A tragedy, I saw Joe Strummer and the Mescalores play a gig for the fire fighters a few weeks ago. They were great and a real return to form, a sad loss for music and the left.
James Dean Bradfield
The Clash were innovative, radical and helped drive a change in music that was ground-breaking. In comparison to some of the music today they sounded like they meant it. I still listen to their music today to remind my self what music made with commitment sounds like.
Chrissie Hynde
The Clash turned punk into a proper political movement, and Joe Strummer showed recently that he still had much of value to say. It is a terrible tragedy to lose him at this early age.
David Bowie
A true genius, a man of class and convictions. A personal hero. I can't believe he is gone. My heart goes out to his wife and children
Mike D, Beastie Boys
I can't believe it. Joe was as huge an inspiration to me now as he was in 1977. He combined cool with an uncompromising stance, infused reggae into punk and taught a whole generation of us more about politics than any number of teachers or politicians. I desperately wish news of his death was untrue. Joe - you were the best.
Iggy Pop
Thursday, December 19
Tuesday, December 17
The golden wedding anniversary party turned out to be a gathering of racist rednecks with a taste for bad karaoke (like there's any other kind). Horrific.
Sunday was nice. Mum, Dad and me went to the Baltic Art Gallery. The art was lousy but the building was beautiful. The new footbridge connecting Newcastle and Gateshead is now flanked by two huge Julian Opie installations. The bridge was raised to let some sailors leave Newcastle. I waved my hanky.
Office christmas lunch today at this ancient establishment. Fine dining rooms overlooking the Thames I'm told.
Sunday was nice. Mum, Dad and me went to the Baltic Art Gallery. The art was lousy but the building was beautiful. The new footbridge connecting Newcastle and Gateshead is now flanked by two huge Julian Opie installations. The bridge was raised to let some sailors leave Newcastle. I waved my hanky.
Office christmas lunch today at this ancient establishment. Fine dining rooms overlooking the Thames I'm told.
Friday, December 13
Darren took me to Joe Allen for dinner last night. Gorgeous grub at this classic 'luvvie' hangout. Resting actors as waiters, c-list celebs buttering up their agents, rich dykes in suits drinking brandy at the bar and the best NY cheesecake in London. An ace treat, ta luv.
Off to Newcastle tomorow on a big fast train. To see Mum and Dad and trade christmas gifts. It's also my great aunts golden wedding anniversary party so should be a good opportunity to go round the room telling a pack of lies to various relatives I haven't seen in years. "Oh! Your Mum never told me you got married and have two little girls".
Off to Newcastle tomorow on a big fast train. To see Mum and Dad and trade christmas gifts. It's also my great aunts golden wedding anniversary party so should be a good opportunity to go round the room telling a pack of lies to various relatives I haven't seen in years. "Oh! Your Mum never told me you got married and have two little girls".
Thursday, December 12
My Mum and me 22 years ago.
It's my birthday today.
In the 60's they didn't tell you to stop smoking and drinking if you were pregnant. Not that my Mum smoked anyway but I think she liked the odd glass of sherry. Legend has it that I was induced by a greasy funfair lad. My Dad had taken my nine months pregnant Mum to a christmas fair in Newcastle. They went for a spin on the waltzer (that's a tilt-a-whirl for our American readers) and the greasy funfair worker spun their car a bit too fast. Bingo! Waters broke and Mums second ride of the day was in an ambulance.
I was a large baby. 9 months of chips, lard, bacon and cheap chocolate had ensured that both me and my Mum had grown quickly and substantially. So substantially that the doctors decided I was way too big for my Mum to pop out as she is five foot two and is classed as 'petite'. I entered this world through caesarian section which was not as common as it is today. In fact I left hospital two weeks before my Mum and was cared for by my Grandparents.
My Mum likes to tell the story of how, in those days, they didn't sew the caesarian wound closed, they stapled it shut. She even kept the little metal clips they used on her and when I was naughty she'd get them out to scare me and say "look what I went through for you!". Bless.
Anyway, thanks Mum (and Dad). Thanks for going through with it and thanks for making me.
This morning at 7.30 I was sitting up in bed playing 'The Getaway' on my PS2 thanks to my BF. The streets of London were littered with bodies due to my atrocious driving. Tonight is a special surprise from him but I was told to iron a nice shirt so I better dash and do it and then make my way to work.
It's my birthday today.
In the 60's they didn't tell you to stop smoking and drinking if you were pregnant. Not that my Mum smoked anyway but I think she liked the odd glass of sherry. Legend has it that I was induced by a greasy funfair lad. My Dad had taken my nine months pregnant Mum to a christmas fair in Newcastle. They went for a spin on the waltzer (that's a tilt-a-whirl for our American readers) and the greasy funfair worker spun their car a bit too fast. Bingo! Waters broke and Mums second ride of the day was in an ambulance.
I was a large baby. 9 months of chips, lard, bacon and cheap chocolate had ensured that both me and my Mum had grown quickly and substantially. So substantially that the doctors decided I was way too big for my Mum to pop out as she is five foot two and is classed as 'petite'. I entered this world through caesarian section which was not as common as it is today. In fact I left hospital two weeks before my Mum and was cared for by my Grandparents.
My Mum likes to tell the story of how, in those days, they didn't sew the caesarian wound closed, they stapled it shut. She even kept the little metal clips they used on her and when I was naughty she'd get them out to scare me and say "look what I went through for you!". Bless.
Anyway, thanks Mum (and Dad). Thanks for going through with it and thanks for making me.
This morning at 7.30 I was sitting up in bed playing 'The Getaway' on my PS2 thanks to my BF. The streets of London were littered with bodies due to my atrocious driving. Tonight is a special surprise from him but I was told to iron a nice shirt so I better dash and do it and then make my way to work.
Wednesday, December 11
What do you want to be when you grow up?
.......Happy.
I'm 38 tomorrow.
When my Dad was 38 I was 14. For my 14th birthday I received the Ramones album 'Leave Home' and a border collie puppy which I named Sheena ('Sheena Is A Punk Rocker' being my favourite track on that album).
If I had a 14 year old son with a birthday tomorrow I would buy him that Ramones album and get him a rescue dog from here.
.......Happy.
I'm 38 tomorrow.
When my Dad was 38 I was 14. For my 14th birthday I received the Ramones album 'Leave Home' and a border collie puppy which I named Sheena ('Sheena Is A Punk Rocker' being my favourite track on that album).
If I had a 14 year old son with a birthday tomorrow I would buy him that Ramones album and get him a rescue dog from here.
Tuesday, December 10
Blimey! Can't believe I've been working so hard lately. My assistant left to have a baby two weeks ago. The father is my boss. His wife was not pleased. Water cooler romance. I gave them my blessing. Anyway, the cow has left me in the lurch and now I have to do her work (which was originally mine which I foisted on her) as well as my own. Feckin' fertile females.
Manic Street Preachers were great. We squeezed down the front with a couple of stellas (beer not McCartney) and rocked out with the straight boys. Actually, we just nodded along with the other 30-something's around us. Didn't want to spill beer on the Armani duffel coat in front of me. Holy Bible received short shrift, the proles responding, naturally, to the big anthems like 'Design For Life'. We were drunk when we got home so cooked up a batch of Aberdeen Angus beef sausages and watched the Sopranos. Twas a grand end to a grand weekend.
Manic Street Preachers were great. We squeezed down the front with a couple of stellas (beer not McCartney) and rocked out with the straight boys. Actually, we just nodded along with the other 30-something's around us. Didn't want to spill beer on the Armani duffel coat in front of me. Holy Bible received short shrift, the proles responding, naturally, to the big anthems like 'Design For Life'. We were drunk when we got home so cooked up a batch of Aberdeen Angus beef sausages and watched the Sopranos. Twas a grand end to a grand weekend.
Sunday, December 8
Weird dawn dream this morning. Chick Corea was inserting LSD spiked suppositories up me whilst Hattie McDaniel wandered around the bedroom tut-tutting at the way I fold my t-shirts. Bruce Weber was on a paint splattered step-ladder shooting the whole scene. Needless to say we all looked fabulous.
Saturday, December 7
Turned onto them late but so glad to be listening now. Dirty Vegas debut and the latest from Underworld. Cock rock electric.
They Shoot Horses Don't They?
Big beautiful Bluewater. Yuletide presents obtained safely.
My bf can now see my rugged handsome features so much clearer thanks to Phillip Starck. Ready for collection in one hour sir! How modern is that?
December 21st 1994. London Astoria theatre. Last time I saw the Manic Street Preachers. Richeys guitar was plugged in. Brixton Academy tomorrow. Big boys now. Anyone want a Playbill?
Turned down free tickets to Primal Scream and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club tonight. Whats wrong with me? Actually I have knitting to finish. Half completed shawl for incontinent Grandmother. Watch those needles fly!
They Shoot Horses Don't They?
Big beautiful Bluewater. Yuletide presents obtained safely.
My bf can now see my rugged handsome features so much clearer thanks to Phillip Starck. Ready for collection in one hour sir! How modern is that?
December 21st 1994. London Astoria theatre. Last time I saw the Manic Street Preachers. Richeys guitar was plugged in. Brixton Academy tomorrow. Big boys now. Anyone want a Playbill?
Turned down free tickets to Primal Scream and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club tonight. Whats wrong with me? Actually I have knitting to finish. Half completed shawl for incontinent Grandmother. Watch those needles fly!
Friday, December 6
The black pill-box hat with veil are back in the wardrobe now but the black arm-bands stay on for another week.
Lakeside tomorrow with Darren. Getting stuff for Santa's sack. Manic Street Preachers on Sunday at Brixton Academy.
Barry loved the Manics. He made me see the genius in that difficult third album 'The Holy Bible'.
And in these plagued streets of pity you can buy anything
For $200, anyone can conceive a God on video
He's a boy, you want a girl so tear off his cock,
Tie his hair in bunches, fuck him, call him Rita if you want
Lakeside tomorrow with Darren. Getting stuff for Santa's sack. Manic Street Preachers on Sunday at Brixton Academy.
Barry loved the Manics. He made me see the genius in that difficult third album 'The Holy Bible'.
And in these plagued streets of pity you can buy anything
For $200, anyone can conceive a God on video
He's a boy, you want a girl so tear off his cock,
Tie his hair in bunches, fuck him, call him Rita if you want
Monday, December 2
"Goodbye to you my trusted friend........"
Barry.
April 1990 - 2nd December 2002.
You told me to lie on my bed on the floor
then left me for eight days
though to me it seemed longer.
In circles I turned and turned
searching for a way
to lie on my bed on the floor
and keep an eye on the door.
When John came we walked and played
for hours, though it seemed longer.
I knew you hadn't gone to the store,
but for an endless hospital stay
while I waited for you on the floor.
Each time the elevator door
opened, I'd bark and bay
hoping that it wouldn't be any longer,
that you'd be home before
the end of the day,
and we'd be in your bed off the floor.
We'd lie together with my paw
on your chest and stay
until morning, though it would seem longer.
When you came home just a little stronger
and I nosed and rubbed my favourite odour
you lay down on my bed on the floor
for an hour though to me it seemed longer.
Barry.
April 1990 - 2nd December 2002.
You told me to lie on my bed on the floor
then left me for eight days
though to me it seemed longer.
In circles I turned and turned
searching for a way
to lie on my bed on the floor
and keep an eye on the door.
When John came we walked and played
for hours, though it seemed longer.
I knew you hadn't gone to the store,
but for an endless hospital stay
while I waited for you on the floor.
Each time the elevator door
opened, I'd bark and bay
hoping that it wouldn't be any longer,
that you'd be home before
the end of the day,
and we'd be in your bed off the floor.
We'd lie together with my paw
on your chest and stay
until morning, though it would seem longer.
When you came home just a little stronger
and I nosed and rubbed my favourite odour
you lay down on my bed on the floor
for an hour though to me it seemed longer.
ZURICH
We had nice Swiss food, saw the Swarovski christmas tree, the Santa tram, the best toy train shop in the world, stroked dogs in restaurants (that's right, how civilised), watched 'Flawless' and 'The Broken Hearts Club', set up Toms computer (been in boxes for 3 months), walked beside Lake Zurich and rode on a tram. Easyjet on time both ways. Miracle! Thanks for your hospitality Tom.
We had nice Swiss food, saw the Swarovski christmas tree, the Santa tram, the best toy train shop in the world, stroked dogs in restaurants (that's right, how civilised), watched 'Flawless' and 'The Broken Hearts Club', set up Toms computer (been in boxes for 3 months), walked beside Lake Zurich and rode on a tram. Easyjet on time both ways. Miracle! Thanks for your hospitality Tom.
Sunday, December 1
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