Wednesday, December 31

New Years Eve I'm at work. Headphones on and listening to Echoes by The Rapture (mighty fuckin' excellent). Trying not to work but there are only 5 of us here out of an expected 12 so it's pretty hard not to. Last night we made a last minute decision to go out tonight. So anyone at Duckie tonight should get a bottle of becks and pass it to me when I stop dancing like a spakka. A toast to absent friends (and those who went round the bend). Cheers!

I hope everyones dreams come true in 2004.
Now, out of my way, I have a Mexican wrestling mask to rinse in the sink for tonight.

Tuesday, December 30

I used to have mucky thoughts about the Brigadier in the 70's. The daleks never scared me but the cybermen did. My local cinema owned it's own copy of that dalek film where they flattened London and Bernard Cribbins saved us all. Remember that episode where the shop window dummies came alive and burst through the glass? Terrified me. I'm a Jon Pertwee boy (see the Brigadiers boyfriend on the far left?). Saturday tea times were all about this show and banana sandwich's. Then a load of us would go to the local sports centre for the roller disco (7-9pm). Ever skated *really* fast to knock on wood? Try it.

Monday, December 29

Drove to work this morning on my motorbike in torrential freezing rain. I got here with my hands encased in ice and stuck to the handlebars. The security guard had to venture out to the car park and release me using his zippo.
No plans for new years eve yet and suspect we still won’t have any at 9pm on the 31st. Never mind, not my cup of tea really. Though it is our anniversary as we met at the dump of a local gay bar many years ago. I think we’ll just have a nice bottle of wine and four paracetamols each and collapse at about 11pm during Jools Hollands’ hootenanny thingy. Anyone popping round at midnight with a piece of coal or some black bun can just leave it on the front step.

Sunday, December 28

Back to work tomorrow with a new desk calendar for 2004. It features classic ads from the 60's and has a page for each day. I bought one for Darren and hoped I'd get something similar. I didn't, I got exactly the same thing from my Mum. Spooky. While we're on the subject of the 60's, I got two Tony Richardson dvd's for Christmas and today we watched Taste Of Honey. Murray Melvin is fantastic. At a time when most young men looked like teddy boys he chose to pre-date (by 30 years) the fey-rock look favoured by The Pastels and early Primal Scream. How very gay and punk rock (and I mean that as a compliment). He owned the corner shop in The Krays you know. Also nice to see Blackpool looking great being rained upon in black and white.

My Christmas day cooking burn is healing nicely.

Friday, December 26

Boxing day is here! Hurrah! That means only one thing round our way - the Woolworths sale! Time to get rid of that scabby £20 note granny sent and swap it for half price pyrex and last years cd singles that are in a plastic bin at 39p each.
Yesterday was lovely. It was Jesus Robs birthday so he popped round in the morning and we had champers and curried whore doves and wore our Sunday best. Then he left to fry up a couple of fish cakes for his lunch so me and wor kidda changed back into our slob clothes and sat on the couch eating chocolate and watching a Sex Pistols film we'd taped tuther night (we also wept buckets watching Dale Winton take kids with cancer to Disneyland and made "we don't know how lucky we are" type comments to each other). Dinner was at the very un-Northern time of 6pm and consisted of a traditional turkey dinner minus the sprouts. I burned my hand on an oven shelf. The Christmas day soaps were brilliant and we ate more chocolate watching them. I fell asleep during The Thomas Crown Affair so went to bed.
Darren got me some lovely gifts and I had posted some of them on here but it looked like I was showing off so I removed them (cd's, dvd's, books and PS2 games if you must know). He got hankies and a trip to Copenhagen.

Wednesday, December 24

Merry Christmas. My gift to you.

Monday, December 22


I'm keeping an eye on you lot.

Sunday, December 21

Went to Sainsburys yesterday for 90% of the christmas food shopping and 90% of the folk in there were complete cnuts with their trolleys. Grrr! I'll be back there on Wednesday morning at 8am for the fresh veg for dinner. I'm gonna drive my motorbike up and down the aisles grabbing parsnips, sprouts and cauli's then throw my money at the '5-items-or-less' wifey and be back home for 8.10am. Good plan.

Went to the new Lord Of The Rings fillum yesterday. Very good. My favouite of the trilogy. It did get very 'Steel Magnolias' at the end but thats ok by us cos we love Sally Fields movies (especially 'Not Without My Hobbit'). Take a hanky for the last half hour.

I've lost 12lbs since 14 November on Weight Watchers. Hurrah! Now I can really enjoy Christmas by putting it all back on! Hurrah hurrah!
*reaches for the gold-foil wrapped biscuit in the Fox's festive biscuit tin*

Friday, December 19

I used to get the NME every week from 1978 to 1987. Now I just buy it once a year, the Christmas double edition. I love those re-runs of the past year that magazines do in December. The NME used to have great artwork and photography in their Christmas edition but this year they have produced face masks of popular music entertainers and I'm sitting here writing this wearing the 50 cent mask (Darren says I should pronounce this as 'fittycent').

I've recently finished two books that I was reading simultaneously. Running With Scissors is by Augusten Burroughs and is a memoir of his life till the age of 16. His mother was a nut who thought she was a great poet and who had Augusten adopted by her physchiatrist who turned out to have an even weirder family. The book is horrific yet hilarious and if you like swearing, underage sex, hairdressing tips and Americas fucked-up middle classes then I recommend it.
The other good book I've just finished is If The Kids Are United by Tony Hill. Football, mining villages, punk rock, Manchester United and Hillsborough.

The only book I've not been able to finish this year was Where Did It All Go Right? by Andrew Collins. The story of his childhood where nothing traumatic happened. A whole book of 70's nostalgia with the odd 'falling into a stream' scenario ("oh no, Mum is going to kill me!"). Loads of folk loved the book but I didn't.
Next up are White Trash by John King and Casuals by Phil Thornton.

Have a nice weekend.

Thursday, December 18

Yesterday's office party at Tiger Tiger was ok. Food was nice (though seasonally overpriced as usual). We swapped tables at my insistance as there were 28 of us crammed around a table for 20. I politely, but firmly, requested new seating arrangements and this is how we ended up underneath the restaurant speakers which were blaring out a christmas motown album. 7 quid for two bottles of becks? Fuck off! Which we did as soon as the lemon tart was scoffed.

Last Friday's birthday meal at the White Tower in Blackpool was a different matter though. A private entrance painted black with historical sketches of old Pleasure Beach rides and a lift up to the restaurant where the posh fag/maitre d met us and gave us a seat in the bar where we ordered cocktails and our grub. The restaurant is intimate with only a few tables overlooking the famous prom and south pier. The entrance hall walls are covered in autographs and pictures of past famous visitors (including nearly every politician of the past 40 years because of the party conferences held in town). Excellent food and service (the posh fudge with the coffee impressed me) and then a brisk walk home in the rain with Darren made this a top night out.

Wednesday, December 17

Christmaslunch today at Tiger Tiger. 40 civil servants in their best bib and tucker! There's a sight. Instead of riding into work today I shall take the train. I shall begin my journey at 9.30am as I have permission to buy a one day travelcard. It will take an hour and a half to get to the temporary office in Wandsworth and lunch is at 1pm so we will all leave at noon to journey back into town. That leaves me with one hour at my desk which is just enough time to make a cuppa, flick through the papers, check my e-mails and send Darren a few, get the dog hair off my suit with sellotape and have a c**p. I did ask if I could meet everyone at the restaurant but *they* said no as that would be like giving me a half day off. Whatever.

*runs off to pack the Edmund Hilary day bag in preparation for the underground/overground trek*

Tuesday, December 16

This past Sunday was spent with Darrens family pretending it was Christmas day. His Mum and Dad are flying off to the Canaries next week so the trauma of the 25th was brought forward to the 14th.
Succulent turkey, tender beef, creamy soft-boiled potatoes, sweet carrots, crispy roasties and meat-juice gravy. Oh, and brussel sprouts. An hour after all this was devoured a running buffet was erected and we started again. Warm sausage rolls, cold pork pies, turkey baps, fresh cream profiteroles and home-made trifle.
Football on the telly, deaf granny on the sofa, hungover brother in bed, steamed-up windows, greedy dog feeling lucky, mum continually washing up and me wondering if every family gathering at this time of the year is indistinguishable. It was all good though (but don’t even remind me of how many weight watchers points I scoffed).

Monday, December 15

I hoped to get the Sonic Mook albums for Christmas. You shoulda seen the look on Santa's face when I asked for those (or was *that* look because I was sitting on his knee trying to get my full £2.99's worth?). Anyway, I hoped to get them for Christmas but instead I got them for my birthday from wor kidda. Ta luv. I'm an aural spastic.
A grand weekend oop north. Photographic proof here. Eating, shopping, drinking, walking, driving, laughing, kissing.
Just don't mention the hen party or the ugly bitch who's screwing the son of Roger Hunt MBE. *shudders*

Thursday, December 11


Off to Blackpool tonight for a long weekend. It's my birthday tomorrow and I've been told by Darren to take a couple of 'nice' shirts and a pair of slacks. That probably means we're going to be eating at the British Home Stores cafe. Hurrah!
Sunday will be spent in Skelmersdale at Darrens parents having a proper Christmas dinner with proper steamed windows and proper family arguments and proper roasties with gravy. Hopefully.

Wednesday, December 10

Face or tits?

Others have linked to this beautifully written site lately. I'd not checked it out but I have now - wow! You couldn't make that stuff up (especially if you were a journalist). Check out the faqs section.
Talking of Mr Culkin: seen this?
PartyMonster was crap. I wanted to see it because I remember watching the club kids rule the NYC nightlife in the 80’s. I used to stay at the Washington Jefferson hotel (a right dump back then but now a 3 star tourist joint) for $150 a week (it was the Hotel 17 of its day) and get invited to Limelight and Tunnel by the freaks that hung around the foyer selling and buying drugs. The Washington Jefferson hotel is featured in Valley Of The Dolls as the hotel that Anne first stays at when she arrives in the city from Connecticut (it was called the Martha Washington hotel for women in the movie). The club kids inspiration was so obviously Leigh Bowery and the London nightlife that he reigned over. Clubs like Daisy Chain, Kinky Gerlinky and Delirium are what inspired Michael Alig to dress up in a variety of sub-Bowery-esque costumes and insult everyone who’d paid to get into his club.
I don’t think the movie captured the nightlife very well (I may be wrong as I only attended a few of their parties) but it was interesting to see how Michael and James St James became friends and competed with one another over ‘fabulousness’. Macauley Culkins acting was real bad. Marilyn Manson and Chloe Sevigny were underused. Dylan McDermott looked great naked, sitting on the bog smoking crack. Seth Green was very convincing as a camp mo and the giant rat during the overdose scene was hilarious. Not recommended.
Michael Alig is still in Jail for the murder of his drug dealer. He whacked him on the head with a hammer, injected him with bleach, cut him up into little bits, put the bits into a carbboard box which he then threw in the Hudson river. Then he went out dancing and told everyone what he'd done. No one believed a word he said for six months.
(He maintains a website from his cell. Here it is)

Monday, December 8


Au revoir Troubled Diva. As the deluge of tributes proves, you will be greatly missed. Inspiring, entertaining and now brave enough to knock the whole thing on the head. *clicks heels and salutes*




Sunday, December 7

Friday was the first day in the new office. The new office which is in the middle of nowhere. 25 minutes walk to Sainsburys but I do get to walk past this beauty - a HUGE 1930's housing estate called the Henry Prince. A road runs through the middle of the buildings with 6 huge arches raised over it. Lovely symmetry, just like those 6 in-line bridges over a canal in Amsterdam.
Bit of a busy day for me yesterday. Went swimming (40 lengths), went into town to see Party Monster, attempted to get some Christmas shopping on Oxford Street but gave up after 10 minutes and came home, ate pizza, went to Blockbuster, rented 2 movies, watched one of them, fell asleep during Have I Got News For You (extended version) then went to bed at 11pm. Darren was out on Friday night with work colleagues (they always get him drunk) so was hungover for most of yesterday so didn't make it to the baths or into town with me (though he did manage to get the groceries at Sainsburys while I was out (what a gem)).

Friday, December 5

It seems I have been banned from textamerica for downloading a picture of a mans hoo hoo with a bottle of beer inserted into it. Prudes. So I moved my mobile phone pics to Phlog. Here.
I'm now drunk on gin and peach flavoured diet tonic water. Tonight I've walked the dog, spoke to my mum and dad, hoovered, hung some



tinsel and fairy lights


ate a yoghurt, fallen asleep during Emmerdale, enjoyed Coronation Street and tried to get a bottle of Newcastle brown ale up my hoo hoo. Can't be done. See Elsie for the proof that it can be.
It's official! I'm a



dickhead!


Hurrah! A wise old man said so.

Thursday, December 4

The office I work in central London is being refurbished. My department drew the short straw on re-location and from tomorrow we get to work in Earlsfield in the London borough of Wandsworth for seven weeks. This means an extra 20-30 minutes on my motorbike which is bad enough at any time of the year in London traffic but in the winter is going to be brutal on my pinkies. And the nearest bank and supermarket are 15 minutes walk away. What a crap time of the year to be working in the SW when all the Christmas parties are in central London. On top of that we've got some quite high level ministerial visits from Central Asia in the next month and they won't want to be schlepping out to the back of beyond so we'll have to traipse into town to see them. And if they think I'm getting up 30 minutes earlier in the morning to get to work on time then they're mistaken. Stupid job.

What a boring post. Sorry.

Wednesday, December 3

Christmas window joy here.
On the way back to work after lunch I saw Kurt from Teachers getting out of a black cab with a very sexy bear with a blonde goatee, No2 crop and a big fat wallet-chain hanging out of his Evisu. V gay. Kurt looked just like he does on the telly although I wasn't close enough to see those deep green eyes.
Today I will stroll across St James Park at lunch time, meet Darren, and together we will take a festive peek at the Dickins & Jones and Liberty Christmas windows. Pictures later.

Tuesday, December 2

Just had a quick lunchtime trip to Shoreditch to buy a pair of boots I saw on Sunday but couldn't be bothered to try on because of the crowds.

It's been pretty hard to find just the right 'dealer boot' (oop north they call them market boots) but I eventually managed. Sanders (Est 1873 and still hand making boots) do a lovely tan brogue (though they call tan 'mustang') so I bought those. Size seven and a half but I'm usually an eight.



Monday, December 1

Little Britain is on BBC2 tonight at 10pm. Please watch it.