A deserted Blackpool beach, 9am, Tuesday, low tide, warm sun, Lake District in the distance, Edward chasing seagulls, Morrissey in my headphones, hard sand, skimming stones, practically perfect.

Just got back from an extended lunch break where I had two hours work done on my tattoo. One more session and my left arm will be complete. I was a bit disappointed that no one passed out and pissed themselves while being worked on today (a big fella did exactly this two weeks ago).
We’re off to Blackpool tonight for a long weekend avec ma famille. I’ve printed off the high tide schedules in anticipation of long beach walks with oor wee dug. Need to see the new X Men movie too. Got two tickets to collect tomorrow for New Order at the Ballroom in October but Elaine Paige, one week later, was sold out. Chinese takeaway tonight then the Big Brother eviction (I’m bored by it already but Darren seems hooked) then driving to Blackpool while listening to a play on radio 4.

Each lunchtime this week I have snapped on my pedometer and walked four miles around Green Park and St James Park. On Monday I listened to Stadium Arcadium by The red Hot Chili Peppers as I walked and found it to be a most agreeable walking companion. Yesterday I chose Fundamental by The Pet Shop Boys but was disapointed by the lack of 'chirpy' tunes (there's nothing quite like a whiny ballad by Diane Warren to dampen ones stride). Today I trusted in Mike Skinner and his post-famous point of view poems which made me smile.
I smiled even more when I reached the gates of Buckingham Palace and saw hundreds of Hyacinth Bouquet type women in posh summer dresses and fancy hats waiting to enter the palace grounds for a 'do'. The real reason for my smile was the thunderous and blustery downpour that had begun minutes earlier and was whipping up a storm in front of the no-place-to-hide-or-shelter Palace. All that care and attention and outfit shopping ruined in the space of a few minutes under a black and heavy cloud. I could see the fury in their eyes as I squeezed past them on my way back to work (under my brolly). I bet the Queens bathroom will be seeing some action right about now as 100 middle aged ladies jostle for mirror space and warm-air hand dryers before meeting old Liz.

So moany moany good moany moany
or
Even hot girls have to fart

A hosepipe ban and it's been raining for a week now. I have a chronic sore throat and am spiting blood (doctors appointment for later today). Our jack russell is still in Northumberland as schedules mean we can't collect him till next weekend and I miss him like billy-oh. Had to buy new work shirts cos I put on so much weight in Florida. I finished reading Goats by handsome Mark Poirier and I didn't want it to end and I've now read evereything he's written and he refuses to write quicker (the same thing happened two years ago when I 'discovered' David Sedaris). Despite promising myself I wouldn't bother with Big Brother I have been glued to it since last Thursday (while watching Shahbaz ranting last night Darren told me my fists were clenched!). We know a female version of Shahbaz and I can't be in her company for more than 30 minutes.
However, it's not all doom and gloom. I was overjoyed with the victory of those Finnish horror-pop merchants in Eurovision. The Da Vinci Code has been panned by the critics. My new bike performs great in the wet. Next weekend is a bank holiday and we're off to Blackpool. Speaking of Blackpool, there's a one-off TV drama follow up to last years BBC drama/musical Blackpool called, wait for it, Viva Blackpool! And yes, I did know that the original show was broadcast in America with the title 'Viva Blackpool' (and that it was nominated for a Golden Globe). There's a remastered version of Homosapien by Pete Shelley out now and it's now only 4 days until we are reunited with oor durty dug.

I had three hours needlework on my arm last Friday. I've two sessions left and then arm No.1 will be complete (we're still working on the design for arm No.2). The lovely lady on the left is Saira and she's the artist I chose to do my work (her portfolio stood out and she understood what I wanted). The fella in the middle is Mo Coppelletta and he owns the studio where Saira works. The lady on the right is Nikole and she works at Londons other top parlour, Into You. One month into this project and I'm thrilled to bits with the quality and my only regret is that I waited so long to have it done (it's ten years since my last tattoo which was done to celebrate Vivienne Westwoods 3rd-year-in-a-row win as British Designer Of The Year).

I just had a lovely phone conversation at work with a chap from Chemikal Underground Records. Some of his bands are heading to Moscow for a music festival and he needed info on getting them, and their equipment, there safely. The wonderful Arab Strap are one of the bands playing. I used to get Arab Strap and Belle and Sebastian mixed up about 10 years ago because B&S released an album called The Boy With The Arab Strap. Two bands from Scotland both utilising the name of a sex-aid, can you see how confusing that might have been?
I wonder if arabs actually wear these straps?

Months of research and procrastination finally ended on Saturday when I collected my new Kawasaki ER5 from a dealer in Watford. I got an amazing deal from them and 12 months fully comprehensive insurance free! The insurance alone would have set me back £600. It's a few years since I've had handled a big engine like this (and yes, I do know 500cc isn't classed as BIG these days but it's big compared to a Vespa) but on the drive back from Watford on Saturday all the old skills kicked in again and it was just like, er, riding a bike.

Just got back from Morrissey at The Palladium. He was thrustingly awesome! Tanned and toned and talkative. Bad sound resulted in no encore and hefty boo's from everyone. This was the 2nd gig on this tour with no encore (who does he think he is, New Order?). He didn't even introduce his band tonight (first time ever according to the fanatical forums). We had lovely seats in the Royal Circle where rock n roll Royalty usually sit. Why look, there's Chrissie Hynde and Stella McCartney standing near us with their handsome fellas (hey you, handsome, what first attracted you to the pram-faced multi-millionaire daughter of a Beatle?).

I couldn't use the slide at the main swimming pool at Disneys Boardwalk Hotel (despite it being modeled on an old wooden rollercoaster). The clown face terrified me and I couldn't even swim near it when I was in the water it so being spewed from his mouth after the slide was a big no-no.


The lobby of the hotel was beautiful and a clown-free zone. The first thing to catch your eye when you enter the lobby is this amazing piece:


This huge elephant above the fireplace was lit from inside at night and is a replica of an actual attraction at Coney Island boardwalk from 100 years ago.


And this corner of the lobby was made perfect for me because of this model of an old wooden coaster complete with twinkly electric lights.

I was at Disneys Boardwalk Villas enjoying a 4pm doze by the pool (in the shade), listening to the new Larry Levan CD, when who should plop down on the bed next to me but Prince Naseem Hamed. The Sheffield bred, multi winning WBA (37 fights, 36 wins!) featherweight, southpaw superstar has put on some weight since retiring but still looked handsome in his new chunky look. He sang along to Obie Trice which he played through the tinny speaker on his mobile phone. His pregnant wife and two boys arrived later and relaxed near him. His boys were mostly well behaved but when they fought over a games console he yelled at them to “stop fighting!”. I wanted to laugh out loud at what he'd said but thought better of it as I’m sure he can still pack a punch. As there is an ESPN club at the Boardwalk I wondered if he was there doing something with them but googling has revealed nowt. Later in the week I was in the elevator at the hotel returning to my room when a fella used his mobile phone to tell someone that he had just been swimming in the same pool as a BIG movie star. His floor arrived before mine and I failed to find out who the superstar was. I like to imagine it was Alec Baldwin as he looks really good wet.

Zed is the black sheep of the alphabet
Zed is the masculine letter
I've know Zed's who've only
Taken B's to bed they said that
G's couldn't scorch their sweaters.

I took a lunch time stroll around the lake in Green Park today. I listened to The Affectionate Punch by The Associates and loved the way it sounds like 'now' but is 25 years old. God, wasn't Billy great. The recent rains and the sunshine today made the park look stunning. These camera-phone pics don't do it justice.



*Pats self on back*


Earlier in the week I decided to fit new taps to the bath. I was quoted £170 (not including the taps!) by a plumber to have them fitted so I decided to try to fit them myself. Half way through the job I was nearly in tears and on the verge of calling a plumber out. But I persevered and bought a basin wrench and finished the job. It felt really good completing this manly task. I now consider myself a plumbing expert so if anyone needs any tips just ask.

This view from the top of the lift-hill on Expedition Everest shows the scale of the attraction. A Tibetan village was recreated and is used as the queuing area.



One of the highlights of the ride comes about half way through. After speeding through the darkened caves in the middle of the mountain the train zooms up a steep hill and comes to a sudden stop directly in front of train tracks which have been ripped up.



There is then a deafening animal roar and the train plummets backwards into the darkness for an encounter with...(cue corny organ music)..The Yeti!



The big drop from the mountain top down into the village is fantastic.



I don't have any pics of the Yeti encounter but I will admit to being very startled when he 'attacked' us (Expedition Everest is described by Disney as a family ride but I don't agree). Naturally, the ride spits you out through a giftshop (but even this is uber-themed in a Tibetan stylee). They've raised the bar for themed rides with this one and this new benchmark will be hard to beat (by the by, Disney now have the four highest peaks in Florida: Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain and Expedition Everest).

It was too hot for us but we made the most of it. Luxury resorts and huge dinners made up for the evil temperatures. We didn't bimble around the theme parks too much on account of the heat and we hid in air conditioned cinemas and shopping malls. I noted from my sun-lounger-by-the pool that Prince Naseem has gained a lot of weight since giving up boxing. We ate at Taco Bell but balanced this 'shame' by also eating at The Brown Derby. The famous gospel brunch at the House of Blues was just awful (the cajun cooking was delicious but the preaching made me sick). Why don't they just stick to singing and not keep yelling at me "let Jesus in, brother, let Jesus in!" (I don't even let my husband in never mind Jesus). We went to a David Copperfield show and I'm going to blow my tiny amount of street cred by saying that it was a stunning piece of theatre (he did stuff that only Satan could copy and left me slack jawed). The new Disney rollercoaster at Animal Kingdom is a work of art and we got to ride it twice before lunch on the first day. The ride itself, the queueing area and the section of the park in which it is housed is exquisitely themed as only Disney can do(see link to pics below). By the third day we had a little routine worked out; wake, swim, brew coffee and make toast, watch two episodes of The Golden Girls on telly, dress, visit a theme park, make dinner reservations somewhere, head back to the hotel, swim, dress for dinner, eat dinner, watch CNN in bed, fall asleep, repeat. We went to see the film about flight 93 and it was brilliant. We also saw Mission Impossible and Silent Hill but they were just ok. We went to Perkins one afternoon for apple pie a la mode and we were cruised by two deaf guys. One of them winked at me and licked his lips lasciviously (this is sign language for "I wanna suck you off"). They got the cold shoulder from us and I went back to my pie. We went back the next day but they didn't show.
Holiday snaps here.