Things to do in Victoria part 3


When hunger strikes Victoria is a good place to be. One million office workers have made sure that lunchtime is full of agonising choices. Opposite Westminster Cathedral is another temple in which to worship – a shopping mall called Cardinal Place (look, it even has a vaguely religious name). Marks and Spencer is the big anchor shop with the others made up of all the usual high street suspects. Anyway, back to food, inside Cardinal Place is a branch of Japanese noodle restaurant Wagamama. This much copied chain provides noodle dishes in a brash, bright and semi-uncomfortable setting (big shared tables). It’s not the type of place to linger over lunch unless you enjoy listening to two 30-something working mums from Luton drone on about their scabby kids and their unfaithful husbands. Actually, I’ve just realised I do enjoy listening to them moan so I may pop over there for some teppan later today. The food is supposed to be ‘healthy’ at Wagamama but I suspect that an enormous bowl of carb filled noodles is only healthy when compared to a big plate of fish and chips. No matter, the menu is all delish in my opinion and more than affordable if you stick to the free green tea that they plonk down in front of you as soon as you sit down. A big bowl of ramen (noodles in soup – two meals in one!) is four quid-ish and makes a lovely change to a supermarket sandwich.

Swanky Cardinal Place:

Things to do in Victoria part 2
Get a McFlurry from McDonalds and sit in the Piazza outside Westminster Cathedral (not to be confused with Westminster Abbey one mile away). From here you can watch nuns scurrying about doing Gods errands and tourists gawking at the immense monstrosity. The cathedral is set back from Victoria Street and seems to give unaware pedestrians a genuine shock as they walk past. The Cathedral site was originally wet marsh land around Westminster until it was reclaimed by the Benedictine monks who were the builders and owners of Westminster Abbey. The area was then rented out by the monks as a market and a fairground with a maze as well as a pleasure garden and a ring for bull-baiting. In the 17th century the monks sold the land and a prison was built on the site and was used until 1834. The site was acquired by the Catholic Church in 1884 and The Cathedral Church of Westminster(dedicated to the Most Precious Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ) was completed in 1903. It was designed in the Early Christian Byzantine style which gives it that weird Moorish/Arabic look. Apparently there is quite a nice cafe down in the crypt but I've never ventured inside. *shudders*
Here's a great view from my office window of the domes of the cathedral and another 'icon' in the background.

Cats with Hitler taches are called Kitlers. Here are lots.

Things to do in Victoria part 1



Forget the London Aquarium at County Hall, it’s overpriced and riddled with manky school groups from Dagenham. A delicious splash of lunch-time colour can be yours for nowt simply by heading over to Tachbrook Tropicals on Vauxhall Bridge Road. It’s dark inside but the tanks are well lit to display the gorgeous fish and turtles and weird underwater plants. I often spend a good half hour walking up and down the aisles pressing my nose against the tank glass and imagining I’m floating in the warm Pacific above the Great Barrier Reef. When a sales assistant approaches and asks if you need any help simply remove your snorkel and say “I’m just browsing, thanks”. For all those folk out there who think that the best bit of today’s tourist attractions is the gift shop then this place is brilliant as everything is for sale. You can buy a plastic shark attached to a bit of string at The London Aquarium but here you can actually buy a shark! But please don’t (unless you have an aquarium).

Living beyond ones means
I got a new credit card recently with 0% on purchases so have been going a bit mad. I think the mad shopping spree is a result of the mid-life crisis/depression from a few months ago but it's cheered me up a bit so, whatever. I've bought a new motorbike , 2 big tattoo's (ongoing), a laptop and an engineer to make the house wi-fi. I'm re-jigging the rooms of our house and changing how we use each one. Our upstairs computer room is going to be a new lounge cum TV room and our downstairs TV room will become a dining room. This has involved a lot of painting and carpet buying and furniture removal and I wish I'd started this project in the winter because it's now a bit too hot to be stuck up a step ladder with an emulsion brush. The final piece of the jigsaw will be a new cooker in a few weeks on which I intend to experiment making my own Mediterranean breads. Recent CD purchases on rotation during long days spent painting are Sonic Youth, Beautiful South, Phoenix, Raconteurs, Dirty Pretty Things, The Feeling, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Aphex Twin, Futureheads, Hot Chip (at last!), The Walkmen and Primal Scream. I'm having one of those spells where I can't get 'into' any books but when this problem subsides I have the new Patrick Gale and Anne Tyler novels waiting for me. My hay fever still plagues me, Darren is away from home working for 4 days this week and my job is really REALLY sucky at the moment.
*grabs credit card and heads for the Body Shop to buy pampering potions*

We had a couple of dead hot days in Blackpool last week. The beach was baked and ice creams melted before they could be licked. The majority of the beach is flat sand with tidal waters which, during low tide, leaves an enormous expanse to play on. At the southern end of Blackpool the flat sand gives way to high rolling dunes and sun traps. The views of the town from here are lovely and if you’re really lucky you can touch the wheels of the jets as they lift into the air after taking off from Blackpool International Airport (they went international last year with a surprisingly eclectic selection of destinations).
The weather returned to 'normal' after the mini hot spell and I knuckled down to painting the rear of our house. The Devon cream paint (to match our neighbours recently done rear) looked good enough to dribble on strawberries. Speaking of neighbours, the fella next door is a prison warden and is very good looking in that “I don’t have a clue how attractive I am to gay men” kind of way. During the two hot days last week he was stripped to a pair of speedo’s and was lying in an inflatable paddling pool in his back yard attempting to keep cool. I don’t think he noticed me behind the back-bedroom curtains.

Checklist for week in Blackpool:
Low-tide timings printed out - tick (for long beach walks)
Tool hire shops researched - tick (may need to hire a ladder)
How to drive a van like a man manual - tick (rented a transit for a week)
Superfluous 'junk' and furniture sorted for transport to Blackpool - tick
Library card - tick (free internet access)
Fathers Day card posted - tick (stuck a twenny innit)
Hay fever pills n potions packed - no need (pollenless sea-air beckons)
Trunks and beach towel packed - no need (off to Blackpool not Benidorm)

The Hard Rock Cafe at the top (bottom?) of Piccadilly is 35 years old tomorrow. To celebrate they are using the original menu including prices! BBQ ribs with fries - 80p, big burger with fries - 50p, chocolate fudge cake with ice cream 35p etc. There are already folk lining up for a cheap lunch (and no, I'm not blogging this from the front of the queue using my phone).
Amazing rain storms today. Short but heavy dark bursts then bright sunshine after 10 minutes. Big rainbows too.
The new Sonic Youth album is great. Wish I could see them play this year. I last saw them at Brixton Academy in 1992 and they robbed me of air. I bought a t-shirt and a woolly hat. I still wear the hat.
I've had loads of fruit today - 3 bananas, an apple and a tin of mandarin segments. I've also has an onion bhaji sandwhich (surprisingly delish) and three cups of tea. Despite all that fruit I'm still blogstipated (listing meals and snacks is a sure sign of bloggers block). Must get some prunes tomorrow.

Got in at 1.30am last night and then slept badly due to Edward running up and down the stairs as he'd convinced himself there were foxes in the garden. There were 6 amateur strippers last night at the Swan including a ridiculously hairy Israeli, a pencil thin deaf dwarf, a yank kid who looked like a brit lezza, a rat faced council chav in a white track suit and shockingly stained underwear and a drunk 60 year old Simon Callow look alike. You couldn't make it up could you. The hairy assed Israeli won. If you'd put last nights show on stage at The National Theatre and told everyone it was written by Mark Ravenhill it would be hailed as a triumphant critique of 21st century homo culture. So don't.
I bought chinese for lunch today and every item in my 4 items, a spring roll and a can of pop for £4.50 deal tasted the same. Bought the NME, Time Out and Uncut on the way back to work and spent the afternoon flicking through them while flossing chicken and pineapple from between my teef. I drew Holland in the World Cup sweepstake. I still don't have the Hot Chip album you know.

In lieu of anything interesting to tell you
My hay fever is really bad at the moment. If my nose is not blocked up it's dripping like a leaky tap. V annoying. This week I've been listening to all the The The albums, Sandinista by The Clash and the Dirty Pretty Things cd. We're in the middle of a huge restructure at work an imminent reduction of 'resources' (i.e. staff) is looming. Fingers crossed for a redundancy package. Mum and Dad have gone to Corfu on some sort of hedonistic 'Ibiza style' holiday for grey haired oap's. Mum just emailed to say she's been riding on a big banana dragged behind a speed boat. Upon their return I expect horror stories about dancing to Tony Bennett while on ketamine. Since lunchtime (spag boll from Sainsburys nuked in the office micro) I've played 'Trains To Brazil' by The Guillemots four times and it makes my mood soar (*puts mp3 player into repeat mode*). I'm having one week off work for the next three months and the house in Blackpool needs painting so, hey presto, a project (I'm a graduate of the 'if you want something done do it yourself' school). Must grab a nap after work as I'm meeting Troubled Diva at an east-end molly house tonight. Another email from Mum just arrived with this pic of Dad getting yanked off his ski's. She says he's ok now and that the skin will grow back again.

UPDATE: Carters Steam Fair pics here, please look.

Up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to go to Watford to have my bike serviced by the dealer. I arrived at the garage first so by the time I had a cooked breakfast and a mosey round the unopened shopping centre my bike was ready to be collected. The bike is 'run-in' now so I can, in theory, hit more than 50mph if I so choose. However, London traffic, and it's speed limits, will never allow this.
In the afternoon we went to Dulwich (not been before, posh innit!) to visit Carters Steam Fair. This must be the best looking fair in the world. Old school rides, original fair art work, steam engines creating electricity, toffee apples, old jazz and rock 'n' roll playing on the sound systems and games which can actually be won (I won a soft toy for Edward by being a crack-shot with an air rifle). Carters have just spent £100,000 and five years renovating an old Ark ride (we used to call it the 'speedway' in the 70's) and it was on show so I rode it. Memories. After the fair we toddled into Dulwich Village and ate dinner at a lovely french restaurant. Didn't see Mrs Thatcher though.



Today was another sunny day so Darren and I went to Southend for some sea air. There was a big scooter rally in town so we had lots of hot totty to look at as we strolled along the prom with our trays of chips and gravy. Southend has really smartened up it's act in the past few years and is not such an ugly eyesore anymore. There's still room for improvement though.

One Sunday on holiday recently we went to the House Of Blues for their legendary Gospel Sunday Brunch. I'd always fancied doing this but never had so we booked a few days in advance and got a prime pew in the balcony. Amen. The grub was fantastic; Southern cuisine such as jambalaya, gumbo, catfish, crawfish, corn bread, candied yams, spinach and a whole table groaning under the weight of pecan pies and peach cobblers. Amen. The show started promisingly with a great band and four big momma gospel singers belting out Dreamgirls type songs with a slight Jesus twist (voices so good I had goosebumps). Then the Reverend arrived on stage and things took a turn for the worst. He started preaching and asking for hands-in-the-air type audience participation but thankfully I was still pigging out at the buffet so couldn't take part. Amen. "Are you ready to let Jesus in your life?" he yelled more than once. "WELL ARE YA?". "YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS" screamed much of the audience. "Have you tried this tomato catfish stew?" I shouted at Darren just as the whooping subsided. Christians glared at me. "Amen to the chef!" I muttered under my breath as I scooped a second portion onto my plate.
I'm glad we went to the gospel brunch but I don't think we'll go again. The music was uplifting but the preaching depressed me but if they get rid of the vicar and give The Dreamgirls a bigger portion of the show we might return to their trough. Amen.