Major restructure at work almost complete. From Monday I don't officially have a job but I will still be payed to sit at an empty desk and twiddle my thumbs (thank you Mr UK taxpayer). Good riddance I say. No more diplomatic chit-chat with crazy Russians, Kazakhs, Turks and provincial colleagues (real quote: "what language do they speak in Russia?"). No more mad-dash briefing requests for Ministers or Parliamentary Qustion Time. No more budget juggling on behalf of overseas Embassies and no more ticking-off Ambassadors for using entertainment budgets for hookers. I shan't miss any of this but I shall miss my comrades, our bitchy banter, and our pub/canteen lunches. Onwards please.

Off to Blackpool tonight with Darren and Edward for a weekend full of electric lights, chips, beach walks and sea air.

(In a Morwenna Banks voice)
"Yeth I do know what a futurist ith!"

What I meant by that final comment on yesterdays post was that it must be something to do with the fact that Blackpool was the first town in England to get electric street lights (hence the importance of the annual 'illuminations') and so because of this electrical history it is no surprise that the town spawned Soft Cell and The Pet Shop Boys.

It blinking rained like billy-o all the way up to Newcastle (I was reminded of a pathetically heavy thunderslashlightning storm a few years ago while driving between Son Of Beast and Shivering Timbers). Naturally it stopped as we drove up to our destination. Tom was delivered to The North and I sped through the Tyne Tunnel towards my parents in Northumberland before they departed to play bingo. I arrived just as my Mum was putting a key under the bin. Pease pudding and ham baps were on a plate under a tea towel (but not for long).
The next day I drove cross country, East to West along the A69. This surely must be one of the most stunning drives in England; forests, hills, sheep, cattle, picturesque villages, glimpses of trains clinging to cliffs, Hadrians Wall, market towns and muck spreading (I took on extra petrol in gorgeous Hexham, birthplace of Pete Doherty and Robson Green). The sun was shining, the world was green and Closer was on the car stereo and at exactly 3pm on Saturday afternoon I was delivered a non-religious religious experience due to the awe inspiring music/scenery combination. Magic.
I spent the evening strolling along the prom at Blackpool oooing and ahhhing at the illuminations before ordering Chinese food and settling down to watch la Mirren in Elizabeth I. Then Saturday Night Fever started and I’d forgotten what gritty fun it was so I watched that too.
Dave Ball from Soft Cell and Chris Lowe from The Pet Shop Boys were both born in Blackpool you know.

I’ve rented a car for this weekend and I’m going to drive Tom from London to Newcastle. He’s been living with us since he returned from working in Russia last December and has now decided to base himself nearer his family oop north.



Tom and I go way back. We met in the only gay club in Newcastle in 1986. We went around the world together then moved to London and then got jobs. Tom went back to University and I bought houses and we stayed together as partners for 10 years. Then Tom went off to Russia and that was that. We stayed best friends throughout the following years and it was obvious that he should live with Darren and I when he arrived back in the UK last year (it’s a testament to Darren’s wonderfulness that he had no problem with this).



Tom has gathered a trunk full of stories in his 45 years (stints in the Army, the Police, near drowning on Bondi Beach, drugged and poisoned in Russia (several times) and, the crème de la crème of dinner party stories, getting arrested and locked in a Moscow mental hospital last year.
I’m sure he’ll continue to collect great yarns in the next chapter of his life and we wish him all the best in whatever he chooses to do. Take care kiddo.

We drove into town and parked at my office then bimbled around Victoria and had dinner at Nando's. A stroll through St James Park and into Trafalgar Square for 7pm. It looked great. The Scissor Sisters stage set-up was classy and used a huge gold picture frame around the stage. Kylie came out to introduce the band and got a HUGE reception. I'm glad Babydaddy has stopped wearing that silly hat but I was also glad that Jake hasn't stopped wearing glittery shiny outfits. There were 10,000 folk in Trafalgar Square but it didn't seem packed. The buildings surrounding the square were flood-lit red and blue in celebration of the evening and naturally there was dancing in the fountains. I'd been streaming the new album for a few days so recognised (and enjoyed) the new stuff but typically people started to chat to each other during the songs they didn't know (a few hard stares is usually enough to shut them up). The evening ended with a riotous 'Filthy' which had everyone dancing and saw the fountains fill with pneumonia bound nutters. We'd had a great evening but my feet were killing me and we had to walk back to Victoria so Duckie was out of the question (plus, it was after 10.30pm and the queue is always massive until midnight). We went home via Brick Lane and had bagels.

Penultimate session with Saira tonight. I can't imagine what I'll do to replace this regular appointment with blood, sweat and soaring pain when it's all over. I'm very happy with the results and the whole experience has been intense and satisfying and quite developmental. Pictures when it's all done.
I won two tickets for the Scissor Sisters gig in Trafalgar Square this Saturday. I'm not a lucky type of person and can't remember the last thing I might have won so this was a nice surprise (and all I did was click a box on their official site a few weeks ago). Hopefully head to Duckie afterwards.

If you thought that picture of Stealth (below) was scary look at this:


Stealth is 205ft tall but Kingda Ka in New Jersey is 456ft!!! It needs to hit 128mph in 3 seconds in order to crest the peak. I can feel a week in NYC coming on (incl. a side trip to NJ).

"Oh, whats the bloody point?" I forgot that there isn't one, never has been and never will be. I've calmed down now.



We went to Thorpe Park on Saturday for the BIG GAY EVENT. Perfect weather and loads of bearded muscle bears kissing in front of shocked families. Actually, it was pretty hard to tell the difference between some of the Dads and the big 'ol gays. I could actually see the perplexed looks on some of the Dads faces as they came face to face with two blokes holding hands and dressed just like them. Everyone at the park seemed to get along fine but this was probably due to the lack of skinny screaming disco queens and bad drag (there was plenty of bad 'straight' drag but this is harder for the non-gays to see). Gaydar ripped us off by charging an extra £5 on top of the entrance fee for 'special events' which turned out to be two dance arenas playing disco-poop (no one was dancing).
Anyway, it was a great day out because I got to ride Stealth (see above) 4 times. We'd been on a version of the ride in LA last year and it was stunning and this version was just as good. The launch (0-85mph in 2 seconds) is like a kick in the guts without the pain.
3 rides on Nemesis Inferno (below) was enough to convince me (again) that the designer John Wardley is a genius. Not a second is wasted on this monster. Hello to the bouncy bloke in the Viv Westwood t-shirt who was off-his-tits on 'something' and was going round and round and round on Nemesis using his VIP Gaydar wristband.


Colossus is the only rollercoaster in the world with 10 inversions. 5 of those are while travelling quite slowly in a straight line (below).


This ride hugs the ground at various points and the foliage and themeing are perfect.




We left before dark and upon our final peek inside the Salvation arena we could see (through all the dry ice) that the life of the party still hadn't arrived. One hundred or so lost-looking folk hugged the perimeter of the dancefloor making the whole thing look a bit like a school disco held in the gym. And why would you want to be in there anyway when you could be outside soaking up the sunset?

Like Kenneth wrote on that final page,
"oh, what's the bloody point?"

Layton cemetery in Blackpool is gigantic. Really REALLY gigantic. It's a beautiful spot on a sunny day and my afternoon stroll among the dead was made even more pleasurable by the nearby Burton's biscuit factory baking their Maryland cookies and filling the air with such a sweet perfume. Among the 'famous' names buried here is Chicago engineer William Strickler who built the Big Dipper at Blackpool Pleasure Beach in 1923 (and still thrilling us today) and Dave Morris, the Blackpool comedian who created a BBC radio show in the 1950's set in a fictitious Northern working mens club called 'Club Night' which influenced Peter Kay to create Phoenix Nights.

The very sexy station for the Big Dipper

We went to Blackpool zoo. I hadn’t been before and wasn’t expecting much but was very surprised by the quality of the place. The entrance is brand new and very modern and this would be why it was £13 to get in (I imagined it was going to be about £5!). The zoo is enormous and has an excellent selection of animals. The only missing favourite of ours were giraffes. Elephants, tigers, lions, a sea lion show, monkeys, creepy crawlies, a petting zoo, a dinosaur safari and loads more. The enclosures were extra large and we didn’t see any of that ‘pacing-back-and-forward-gone-mental-from-boredom’ stuff that usually plagues zoos.

Aaaahhhhhhh, inny fluffy?


We spent about six hours oohing and ahhing at the animals (aren't red pandas cute) and even got to visit the ‘Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy’ exhibit which transferred here from the Science Museum in London (very enjoyable even though the film was shit).
Recommended day out.

My Mum and Dad at the zoo


He's behind you! Darren and my Mum

Some donkeys get dropped off at the beach in a big van and some walk there through town. These donkeys were walking to work past the Palma cafe while I was having some lunch:


And here's their place of work:


Of the 850 donkeys working on British beaches, 228 are in Blackpool and Blackpool’s donkeys have workers rights. They work a 48-hour week and council inspectors check that they get their full lunch break. The sands are patrolled to ensure no donkeys are missing out on their employment rights. They get every Friday off too. Officials said they wanted to ensure their donkeys were happy and healthy as they have been part of the resort’s history since Victorian times. Donkeys receive an annual 'donkey MoT' by vets to ensure they are healthy enough to work. They line up on the sand on Friday, their day of rest, while officials, accompanied by vets, check their hooves, ears, teeth and coats. Any owner whose animal is not up to scratch will not get an operator’s licence. A council official said:

“We want the donkeys to be happy and healthy. The donkeys’ Friday off is a by-law that has been in place for, well, donkey’s years.”

Boom boom!